Helping, Fixing or Serving?
Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and serving may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.”
-Rachel Naomi Remen
In the below article from Shambhala Sun, Rachel Naomi Remen beautifully articulates the difference between helping, fixing and serving. After reading this, I clearly saw how much more I could honor life by letting go of my tendency to fix.
Rachel’s words lead us into reflection about our own worldview, remind us that “serving is a relationship between equals” and that helping and fixing ultimately diminish the sacred opportunity of connection and renewed worthiness that is offered each time we interact with one another.
Where do you tend to help and fix?
For me it’s when I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. I have been the helper many times in my life, across many roles. I suspect at some level most of us can relate to the following scenario:
Someone (insert friend, partner, coworker, child, you name it) tells me a problem. I listen to the problem. I am uncomfortable listening to the problem. I am so uncomfortable listening to this problem and accepting that this is a reality that I jump in to offer a solution. They respond with affirmation but in a detached way. I think to myself “why do I sense detachment? Is it our relationship? My abilities?” I get more uncomfortable. I double down and offer more advice. I use different language, different descriptors, more enthusiasm. They shut down at best and snap at worst. We change the subject.We both leave defeated.
Can you relate? Whew.
This is where moving from a mindset of the world is broken and weak, I need to fix it… into the mindset of serving and trusting can fully transform our interactions and ultimately honor the change we wish to see.
When we assume ownership and expertise over someone else’s experience we disempower us both.
Click through below to read the full article.
I hope this article gave you critical language as you move from a fixing mindset to serving. You can access more of Rachel’s work through her website here.
Wishing you a deep sense of purpose and courage. - Kim
